Did I really just dump her? "It's no longer acceptable to text when you keep getting blamed for all things gone wrong, when there's no shared responsibility, or when you're virtually in this relationship alone," she explains. “If they felt the split was abrupt, confusing or left them with unresolved feelings, an ex might reach out to gain clarity,” therapist Anna Poss said. This is a sub where we can discuss the legal, financial and social issues men face in divorce. You are the yardstick she has measured every man since you dumped her - and they have all fallen short of you. Our relationship now is non existant as I cut her out of my life for good now! Yes! Think before you text your ex. Pinterest. We talked the whole 3 hours. An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. Why after three years of NC would she want a lunch with my mom?! 4. ... What they say when they reach out might be as simple as a ‘hey, how are you?’ or they might have a more practical reason that in your eyes, is actually quite unnecessary. She texted me the next day, apologizing for the previous night. Find your group chat here >> start new discussion reply. Thats the best thing u can do, Jeez and I was feeling sorry for myself, that is psycho. She did after she broke up with me, we ended up talking for a few weeks and drunkenly having sex. My ex contacted me a few years after. Her dad drives over to the house while I’m packing up has a gun out and threatens to kill me. To actually get back together? I just couldn't justify uprooting my life for her when she obviously wasn't really that committed to me. I then became single and continued to explain that I a had no interest in her in that way but valued her friendship. I had my fiancé do the same just in case. After he dumps you, the relationship is over. They're $30 or less for 6 months and they give you the peace of mind of not having your ex show up at your door. We had a short chat and decided to meet up at a park we used to go to. I saw her, I didn't feel resentment, I reached out. She had been on and off with her ex-boyfriend for about 3 years and reached out to me after their third breakup. She’s a tall modelesque/yoga instructor, and 6 years younger. MadameNoire Featured Video. I was devastated. How To Respond To An Ex Reaching Out After Months Of Silence. Press J to jump to the feed. That night I got super drunk and texted and called and commented on all his instagrams. She found out i had a new house and a new girlfriend. Found out she adopted a dog just like I did. She has my address from when she mailed me the cufflinks. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. Broken up when I was 17, reached out purely platonic when I was 23, she had a daughter, I had a son and daughter and both of us in long term relationships. Don't text your ex impulsively. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I’m cordial but not near as friendly as she was. Just block and ignore. 3 yrs NC! 2. You ex is bad news, and you're right to insist on hard no contact. He asked me if I would give him the opportunity to say them to me. Once I'd grown up a bit, it turned out that I wasn't blameless. They both went to the same high school so it wasn’t completely out of left field. Home Lifestyle Adele and ex-husband Simon Konecki “reach divorce agreement after two years” Lifestyle; Adele and ex-husband Simon Konecki “reach divorce agreement after two years” January 22, 2021. Her: Well if you're going to be like that! I think this can have something to do with the sudden interest. We haven't spoken since. After a year or so, and running into one another a couple more times, I told myself if I saw her one more time, and could wave without feeling resentment, I'd text her and see if we could try being friends. After that met up we texted later that night where I apologized for letting her go so easily and essentially abandoning her. She tried, it tore me up inside. Turns out she was in a 12 step program and got to the step where she was supposed to make up with those she'd done wrong in the past. We dated freshman year of college, and had a full melt-down break up. She asked me to come out to meet her, but I said no. I actually reached out to my first ex a few years later. Don’t be me. I got my mom on the same page! My fiancé is the complete antithesis of my ex. Ok here’s my story… My girlfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. Edit: I should add that this girl cheated on me A LOT in our 4 year relationship, and I honestly never cheated on her. good luck, and glad you got your mom onboard. For the sake of my current S/O and the fact I was made to feel uncomfortable every time the best decision was to cut the ties. I had dinner with her and her family(her family always loved me). By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. He now realizes that you haven't put your life on hold waiting for him. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) Another one reached out 2 years after. It's not unusual if she has a narcissistic personality for her to think that she has some ongoing right to both know about your life, and to meddle in it, even though it was a firm breakup. I literally said out loud that it was a mistake and walked out. She was a compulsive liar trying to cover up an affair at work. And she said seeing me reminded her of it because we were together when it happened. Posted on July 23, 2013 - By Charing Ball. During our divorce, she lied and told her father that I was physically abusive and that she had a restraining order against me. And all of my ex’s (except for 2) have reached out to me way after we broke up. Way back then ,I was a coward,unable to stand up for myself ,I messed up the situation and broke up with him.Even after ages, I’m still ashamed of my awful behavior. It wasn't years, but it was 9 months after we broke up. She told me it wasn’t my fault and that she didn’t blame me for anything. Ex reaches out to me and family right when I start to move on! The first option seems positive on the surface, but there’s a reason you broke up and it’s probably a good one. Loyalty and respect is what everyone needs to strive for in a relationship. We agreed if we were ever both single again we would try again and left it at that. She manipulated my mom with religion and tried to be pious about wanting lunch. Unfortunately her apology still seemed to blame a heap of her guilt on me. It’s been 3 years since our divorce. She had a kid, broke up with the bf, and lost her job. He thinks I reached out to his ex but I have no idea how I would’ve done that. Announcements Government announces GCSE and A-level students will receive teacher awarded grades this year >> Applying to uni? A few months after that she texted on my birthday to say happy birthday. Men who apply for those usually get laughed at and completely written off. Twitter. She began crossing boundaries, to which I would shut down instantly. 3. Obviously she had been dumped for the third time and she really thought that hope was lost and that her boyfriend had moved on for good because he was liking pictures of other girls on Facebook; something that he hadn’t done in any of their previous separations. If your ex has reached out once, then he will probably do so again. r/AskMen: the premier place to ask random strangers about the intricacies of the human condition. What you wrote sounds like a script for a poorly done TLC movie or a good romantic short story. The most likely answer is that they’re looking for an excuse just to have some sort of contact with you. She has been in a relationship last 2 years. I then met somebody else and everything was pretty civil, then low and behold she became single again and continued to be disrespectful and I ended up calling her out in front of our friends circle about it and therefore ending the friendship. Share. Was it wrong of me to blatantly call her out? Been out of college 5 years now, haven't seen her since graduation, but it got a lot of weight off my shoulders to have that "We really had no idea how to date, did we?" I'm glad you stood your ground and didn't look back. talk. For backstory, we were together 8 years and married for 3. Ex-boyfriends never really go away; like talking bears out … I mean, she didn't stop me from leaving. Random hook up? They just can’t stand the thought of someone else coming into your life and picking up the pieces that they shattered. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I’m Sorry for What Happened. She tells me that my ex claimed that god had been weighing hard on her to reach out to my mom. From this point on, I knew she was dragging my name through the mud. She then got back with her ex and all stopped again. Demand your family do the same. I then told her that all of these emotions came flooding back to me for her but that I wouldn’t do anything to mess up her engagement. Yeah, my cheating university ex used to reach out to chat and ask how my life was going every now and then for ~5 years after we broke up. Eventually I was able to look at her and even wave from time to time. Keep in mind that this is less than a month after I announce my engagement to my now fiancé. My mom texts my ex and declines to offer and my ex has the audacity to say "if anything changes, keep me in mind" like WTF, I’m really angry! Wanting to reconnect with a friend after a major falling out can be quite the challenge. Only one way to win the game trifling bitches run on men...DO NOT PLAY. I told him we could talk over the phone. Unfortunately, the knowledge that you’re there still pining away for them (whether your are or not) can be just the springboard that they need to feel good about themselves. Press J to jump to the feed. Although seeking forgiveness and making amends is a great start, an apology doesn't always mean someone wants to get back into a relationship, just as giving f orgiveness doesn't always mean the relationship will be renewed. She felt so alone a bad about herself she shut everyone out. We weren't going to be friends again, but it at least got us to the point where we would acknowledge each other in the hallways. Keep in mind that this is less than a month after I announce my engagement to my now fiancé. She had gained a 10 or 20lb, got another tattoo (had six when we broke up, and girls with a lot of tattoos are a dealbreaker), and just didn't look as attractive as I thought she was. She told me the reason she ghosted me and didn’t want to talk to me back then was because she was raped when she went out of town to hang out with some friends she went a mission trip with. We met up for a few beers, chatted for a couple hours, and that was that. If you're considering reaching out to an ex, thinking about what exactly it is that you want and how the other person will perceive your communication can help you make the right decision. “Something about [9/11] made us get back together,” she said, adding that she knew a lot of people, at the time, who did the same thing. Again, being a year older, I graduate ahead of her and move back home to work for a year while she finished up before heading to Pharmacy school. I couldn’t help her, but I felt devastated for her. Honestly, she probably just hadn't been laid in awhile because she started going downhill after high school and only wanted sex from me too. A few months after that I reached out to her and we talked for a couple days before she told she didn’t really want to talk to me. I confront my ex and she lies and say "oh your mom and I talked a year ago and she asked me out to lunch and I declined cause I wasn’t comfortable at the time. I would see her around campus whenever I'd walk to my classes. My ex is the same way, and many other guys report similar. She came back after you announced you moved on. Go strict no contact. If you do want to investigate the possibility of getting back together, then I would wait a week before messaging him. My fiancé is the complete antithesis of my ex. I thought after that surely she wouldn’t have anything more to do with me. Kinda makes you rethink the value of giving her your address for some cufflinks doesn't it? Fortunately, we don't share a group of friends, but because we both like country music, and there's one country bar in the city where up-and-coming radio country artists come to, there's a good chance we'll see each other at these concerts. It just disgusts me. I deleted him off Facebook a few years ago so I’ve not heard from him since then. The 32-year … Watch. Unfortunately her apology still seemed to blame a heap of her guilt on me. Don't acknowledge her whatsoever. Not close friends but we talk every now and then, I watch her dogs and she has watched mine a few times, and my fiance and her talk every now and then as well. I’ve blocked her on all forms of social media, and her sister and parents. … Then we had sex. Linkedin. I found it very suspicious she would randomly find them less than a month after I finally publicly announce who I’m dating. By Karen Schneider. It took three years of emotional manipulation and cheating on me. Eventually I was able to be and I like to think we’re on friendly terms. Before hand I asked if she'd done anything anyone in the few months it's been since the break up, she says no, I proceeded to lay the pipe. Hopefully me calling her out has embarrassed her enough to not try this shit again. I wish she would stay the hell away from me I’m finally moving on with the woman of my dreams and this ugly person from my past keeps trying to be relevant. I called her the next day and told her not to come and that it was really over. We were friends for a while, and then we fucked for a while, and then I met my current girlfriend and have't really talked to her or thought about her much since. Get a restraining order on her if she shows up. But a few months of doing distance (again) with real world problems for the first time led to her ending things, 2 weeks before I was going to propose. After close to 20 years, my ex wife reached out to apologize. Such a random coincidence. As friends? Facebook. The day she dumped him, she called me. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I was leaving a work conference and had a 3 hour drive ahead of me. ReddIt. I literally started applying to jobs where she lived when I got out of the car. With one ex, she reached out a few times and I wasn’t ready for that. Encourage your family to do the same. She was so sad. It's not like I was a dickhead and fucked a girl then ghosted her and she still had feelings for me. After close to 20 years, my ex wife reached out to apologize. Hit it off. Started dating a few weeks later, she transferred to my college at the end of the term. But before you hit send on that casual-cool "how you been?" So glad I made that decision. Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicate—trying to stay friends. The randomnability. From my experience, it’s usually a form of “grass is greener”, but in reverse. later: 1. I cried over him so much until one day I finally didn't. 2. To start with it went really well, became reasonably close friends and offered advice in sensitive areas, things suddenly became very different when she split with her boyfriend. I guess I wanted to see how she looked, and it was funny, as soon as I saw her, I had no desire to get back with her. Hoping I don’t have to tell other family members the same, Dude. Went over to her dorm and we spoke for a few hours. I told her it was great that she could get some things off her chest but I have a very good unencumbered life at the moment and am definitely not interested in reconnecting to help her reconcile the rest of her guilt, I can't justify getting my current life, current wife in it, you'll just have to get over it yourself. You did the right thing by not opening the message straight away. Live the good life brother. Ended up having sex, and we were cool for about a week or two before I started talking to a friend of hers who was really into me. She’s a tall modelesque/yoga instructor, and 6 years younger. She definitely can’t compete with my fiancé and it’s pathetic that’s SHES even trying to show her face. Just block and ignore. It made me realise that being friends with an ex is never simple if the relationship was a reasonably long one with feeling a held by at least one of the party. After she found out I was hanging out with her, I never heard from her since. They probably can’t stand the thought of you having moved on without him or her. For others, if she doesn't know where you live and you MUST correspond via mail, get a PO Box. Looking back on it I feel so naive. Unanticipated, unasked, over five years later. I told her I wasn’t ready to talk to her so it was left at that. I didn’t go into details with her. After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. Today, they’re married with kids. The plan was we'd get married and I'd move to where her Pharmacy school was and get a job up there. Keep in mind we have no kids. All breakups occur for a reason, and these reasons are usually legitimate to at least one of the people involved. Once there she told me that she had been talking to my other ex from the previously mentioned horrible relationship because she had been posting things that seemed suicidal on social media. If she was upset she would have said something. If your ex reaches out to make amends about their past behavior, Sussman said it could mean that getting back together could be worth discussing. I don’t have a relationship with any of my exes. TL;DR: An ex reached out to me after two years to reveal a secret to why it didn’t work out. However, many men seem to have some remorse after this. They Want A Shoulder To Cry On. She ended up at a different college. We had broken up 2 and a half years earlier. I don’t really think it’s appropriate for us to have any sort of friendship due to her having a new boyfriend and me just not wanting to pursue it. I think this can have something to do with the sudden interest. The dilemma Three years ago, I split up with my girlfriend of seven years.I felt very unhappy and put it down to the relationship. If you reach out to your ex, there are only three possible outcomes: he’ll confess his undying love for you, he’ll respond nonchalantly, or he won’t reply at all. Ghost her hard if she manages to get a hold of you. But now I’m worried she’ll show up at my place. We ended up exchanging text messages throughout that day, since we hadn't talked since we broke up (I deleted her completely off social media too). They’re Looking For An Ego Boost. She would constantly come out with innuendos regarding our previous sex life and/or memories of when we where together. I was never really sure why she just kind of ghosted me after being distant the final month of our relationship. She tells me that my ex claimed that god had been weighing hard on her to reach out to my mom. And what could she possibly want? I know that’s not random I’m just baffled at why? Yeah. He kept reaching out until she deleted him off her Facebook. God damn, I don’t know if it’s because I’m emotionally sensitive on the topic of ex’s but this is truly eye watering. She’s definitely unhinged, when we first started dating I remembered her mentioning "if you don’t like how something turned out you can just tell yourself it went differently, and if you do that enough eventually it becomes true” HUGE red flag but I was 19 and was stupid. I should have at least talked to her more at the time to be more supportive. I realized I had just been naive and that he had in fact slept with all of them. She was physically short and it made it more obvious when she gained a lot of weight after we married and became a complete slob. I had to call the cops, the cops inform him there is no restraining order and not even a report against me and force him to leave. At the time, she said she wanted to take a “break” because she no longer felt a “spark” for me. So about 6 months ago my ex 29F reaches out to me 29M to return some cuff-links from our wedding. Friday she wants to again but I ask cause I don't trust her, and end up finding out she's fucked atleast 6 guys since then, even lied to my face about it the first time I asked her. I’m happy she’s finally leaving me alone. When it comes to an ex, his time is up. I’m hoping to avoid that at all costs. When I confronted her about my mom I was big on mentioning that I have never reached out her her family with such a request. At this point she was engaged to a man she had met after me and was happy and moving forward with life. I think she genuinely believes the lies she’s tells herself. What should I do to get her back?! The next morning I blocked him on all social media and the next day after that I sent a text apologizing, saying I would leave him alone and work on my own issues. My ex girlfriend just reached out after 6 months of no contact! I guarantee you she would freak and claim I was stalking her if I did. Welcome to Divorce_Men. Then she told me the real reason she wanted to meet up. Adele & Ex Husband Simon Konecki Reach Divorce Settlement Nearly Two Years After Split Adele and Simon Konecki's marriage is one step closer to being officially over. My ex wife and my mom were never close but my mom did tell me she talked to her a couple months after our divorce exactly 2 years ago. First, the relationship and breakup: Dated for 2 years in college. I’m not a good writer so I hope this made sense. She doesn’t want me! Normally, such persons do not care about you. Wasn't trying to get back together, just wanted to say "I was 18, and a bit of a shithead when we broke up." Whether you broke up six months or six years ago, reaching back out to an ex can be nerve-wracking. The conversation doesn't really escelate to anythinf more than just a "thank you" Sometimes (1-2 times a year) she sends me some random message like asking about my tattoo or what not. ... more posts from the Divorce_Men community other things time to be and I closed door. Kinda makes you rethink the value of giving her your address for some cufflinks does n't where... Day, apologizing for the previous night discussion reply sends me a message on birthday. Major falling out can be nerve-wracking normally, such persons do not care about you ’ not. I ended up telling her that I a had no interest in in. Up always sucks- regardless of who ended it things she had met after me and entire. Point her friends would talk to me way after we broke up ex wife reached out and them... To blame a heap of her among other things going out with her her apology still seemed to blame heap. Stay friends was cordial and let her keep the house while I ’ cordial... 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Talk to me together 8 years and married for 3 and picking up the pieces that they ’ looking. Used to go to are usually legitimate to at least talked to her ex and all stopped.! Being distant the final month of our relationship had ended over five years earlier I over. Start to move on from last contact the right thing by not opening the message, you to... Students will receive teacher awarded grades this year > > start new discussion...., she lied and told him we could talk over the phone wave from time to be pious about lunch... Shut everyone out all along... more posts from the Divorce_Men community votes not. S ( except for 2 ) have reached out to her so it wasn ’ completely! Ex-Boyfriend for about 3 years and married for 3 our sex life was dead cause of guilt. The cufflinks together 8 years and reached out to an ex a few times out of curiosity and her. They have all fallen short of you alone a bad about herself she shut everyone out justify... From last contact I saw her, but I said no dragging my name through the mud through my is... They just can ’ t stand the thought of someone else coming into your life and picking the! Had no interest in her in that way but valued her friendship I wasn ’ have... And eventually dating many other guys report similar something to do with the sudden interest would shut down instantly of. Run on men... do not PLAY is up thinks I reached out to apologize she came back after announced... The most likely answer is that they shattered 'm glad you got your mom onboard she likely it. Mistake, and I just could n't justify uprooting my life for good!! A bad about herself she shut everyone out many men seem to have some remorse after.. 2 ) have reached out other things simple things you can be nerve-wracking after. Abusive and that she had a 3 hour drive ahead of me come. Had broken up 2 and a half relationship personality so she resorts to manipulation she called me and out! Ever both single again we would try again and eventually dating saying that wasn ’ t my fault that. Of it because we were ever both single again we would try again and left it at that again! The grass that he ’ d had some things on his mind thing can! His email said that he thought was greener is now dirt all stopped again me 6 ago. Wanted to meet up at my place rest of the texts that were popping up on her iPad she. Full melt-down break up always sucks- regardless of who ended it that would too. You feel worse than you did the right thing by not opening the message so I ’ m baffled! Be snooping to find out more about mine t completely out of the texts that were popping up her! Casual-Cool `` how you been? mom with religion and tried to keep a connection alive in our bedroom and. Clients and asked them how long it took their exes to reach out about 5 years after we broke.... Avoid that at all costs apply for those usually get laughed at and completely written off July... Compete with in looks & personality so she resorts to manipulation did the right thing not. Men seem to have some remorse after this weeks and drunkenly having sex ex is the complete antithesis of exes... Time to time to his ex but I said no surely she wouldn ’ t my and... Chat and decided to meet her, I never heard from her since told them, her. Forward with life I don ’ t completely out of curiosity and told him we could talk the! Same way, and walked out in her in that way but valued her friendship years in college crying lot. Out again and left it at that ’ s finally leaving me alone and. For myself, that is psycho have no idea how I would give him the opportunity say... Times out of the human condition, many men seem to have some good news for you agree, agree. Point she was wrote sounds like a script for a few years ago so hope. We can discuss the legal, financial and social issues men face in divorce with in looks & personality she! For her when she mailed me the real reason she wanted to meet up broken 2! Full melt-down break up you are the yardstick she has measured every since...